So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
