I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Farmville is her only friend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
