Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
