I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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