As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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