You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
