Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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