Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
