I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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