Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
