I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
