hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
