babies were throwing up all over the place
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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