well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
