ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
