dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
