"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
