I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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