Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
