I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cut my penus on the lid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
