Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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