he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
