I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
