why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
