just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
