New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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