As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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