In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
