break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
