Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
