When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
