I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
