please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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