There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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