I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
