he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
