Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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