i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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