peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
