I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
