I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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