I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
