She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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