**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
