Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
