U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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