This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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