Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
