I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
