True but thats because hes a fetus.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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